How Economic Hardships Are Impacting Relationships: A Calgary Couples Therapist’s Perspective

Written by Shezlina Haji, Registered Psychologist in Calgary, AB

As a couples therapist in Calgary, I’ve noticed a significant shift in the kinds of challenges young couples are bringing into therapy. While relationship stress has always existed, the context in which it shows up is changing, largely shaped by the rising cost of living, financial stress, high inflation and broader economic uncertainty.

More and more, couples aren’t coming in because of a lack of love or commitment. They’re coming in because external pressures such as financial difficulties, job instability, food insecurity, and housing affordability, are beginning to impact their mental health, emotional well-being, and connection with each other. And while those might sound like “practical” problems, they’re actually deeply emotional ones.

“We’re Not Fighting… But We’re Not Okay Either”

One of the most common things I hear is:

“We’re not even fighting that much… we just feel distant.”

Many couples are working longer hours, picking up extra work, or feeling stretched just trying to keep up with day-to-day and sometimes unexpected expenses. By the time they come home, there’s very little energy left for conversation, connection, or even basic check-ins.

Over time, that can start to feel like:

• living parallel lives

• feeling emotionally alone

• missing each other, but not knowing how to reconnect

  
  

I often meet couples who care deeply about each other but feel like they’re slowly drifting apart.

When Financial Stress Becomes Emotional Stress

Financial strain doesn’t stay neatly in a budget spreadsheet, it shows up in how we think, feel, and relate to each other.

Across Canada, many young people are feeling this pressure. Data from Statistics Canada shows that a significant number of households are struggling to meet their financial needs. And recent mental health research suggests that money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships (MoneySense).

But what I see in the therapy room isn’t just “arguments about money.”

It’s:

• anxiety about whether things will be okay

• fear about the future

• pressure to keep up or not fall behind

• quiet shame about struggling

  
  

And those emotions can come out in ways that don’t always feel good:

• snapping at each other

• shutting down

• avoiding important conversations

• feeling misunderstood or unsupported

  
  

When Burnout Starts to Impact the Relationship

Another concern I’ve been seeing more often is burnout, both individually and within the relationship itself.

Many couples are working extra hard and juggling multiple responsibilities just to make ends meet to cope with the cost-of-living crisis. Caregiver burnout is a major challenge for many Calgarians leading to physical health issues as well as mental health issues. And while that effort often comes from a place of care and responsibility, it can come at a cost.

When you’re constantly in “go mode,” there’s very little space left to slow down, be present, or connect with each other, which can cause more psychological distress for all family members.

I’ll often hear things like:

• “We’re always tired.”

• “We don’t really talk anymore unless it’s about logistics.”

• “By the time we have time together, we just want to zone out.”

  
  

Over time, this kind of burnout can start to look like emotional disconnection in the relationship making couples feel further distant.

Not because the connection isn’t there, but because there isn’t enough energy to access it.

Many adults across Canada report increased stress and poor mental health as financial pressures rise (as noted by Statistics Canada). And in my work, I see how closely that’s tied to relationship dynamics.

When someone is feeling burnt out, they might:

• have less patience

• feel more irritable or withdrawn

• struggle to communicate clearly

• feel emotionally unavailable

  
  

And when both partners are in that place, it can start to feel like you’re missing each other entirely.

There’s also something that can feel confusing about this stage. Many couples would describe themselves as “fine” on the surface. They’re functioning, getting through their day-to-day lives, doing what they need to do.

But underneath that, there can be a quiet sense of:

“We don’t feel as close as we used to.”

This is something I often think of as a “high-functioning but unhappy” dynamic, where everything looks okay from the outside, but inside the relationship, something feels off.

And again, this isn’t a failure. It’s often a sign that both partners have been carrying a lot for a long time without enough space to reconnect.

The Pressure to “Figure It Out” Together

In Calgary, this seems to be layered with the realities of a changing economy, whether it’s rapid and unpredictable layoffs in oil and gas, uncertainty in newer industries like tech, high cost of living, or the rising prices all around.

I see couples navigating really tough decisions, like:

• moving in together sooner than they feel ready, just to afford rent

• delaying having children or buying a home

• staying in a relationship because living alone feels financially overwhelming

  
  

There’s often an unspoken pressure of:

“We should be further along by now.”

And that pressure can quietly turn into tension between partners, especially if one person feels like they’re carrying more of the weight, or if both feel like they’re doing everything they can and it’s still not enough.

When Stress Impacts Safety and Connection

At a deeper level, financial stress can start to affect something really important in relationships: emotional safety.

When things feel uncertain externally, we often look to our partner for reassurance and stability. But if both partners are feeling overwhelmed, that sense of safety can start to feel shaky.

I often hear questions like:

• “Can I rely on you?”

• “Are we going to be okay?”

• “What if we can’t build the life we want?”

  
  

And when those fears aren’t spoken openly, they tend to show up as:

• more frequent conflict

• defensiveness

• withdrawal

• or even turning to coping strategies that create more distance e.g. substance use or doom scrolling

  
  

Some people cope by shutting down. Others become more reactive or critical. Both are understandable, but they can leave couples feeling even more disconnected.

The Quiet Isolation Many Couples Feel

Another piece that doesn’t get talked about enough is how isolating this can feel.

I work with many young adults who feel like they’re the only ones struggling, especially when it seems like friends or peers are doing well, buying homes, and moving forward in life.

There can be a lot of shame around financial hardship that can further impact mental well-being. For instance, couples are reluctant to share when they have a lower income compared to their friends or have had to utilize the food bank.And that silence further intensifies internalized shame and embarrassment.

But the reality is: many couples are navigating this right now. You’re not the only ones trying to make sense of it.

What Support in Therapy Can Look Like

When couples come in with these challenges, we’re not just talking about finances, we’re talking about what those experiences mean emotionally.

My role is to help couples slow things down and begin to understand:

• what each partner is feeling beneath the surface

• how stress is shaping their reactions to each other

• the patterns they get stuck in when things feel overwhelming

• how to grieve the loss of what they imagined life would look like together

  
  

We start to gently shift the focus from:

“What’s wrong with you?”to“What’s happening to us?”

Together, we work on:

• creating space for more open and honest conversations

• rebuilding emotional safety

• understanding each other’s fears and needs

• recognizing that the stress is the problem, not the relationship

  
  

Over time, couples often begin to feel more like a team again.Even if the external stressors don’t immediately change, how they face them together can.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

If your financial situation has stained your relationship and created disconnection or uncertainty, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with your relationship.

It may mean you’re navigating a really challenging moment in time.

Mental health support for couples is available. I support couples in Calgary and online across Alberta using a trauma-informed, attachment-oriented, and emotionally focused approach.

If this resonates with you, you’re always welcome to reach out or book a session.

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