It’s that time of the year again. The city is covered in hues of red and pink and wall to wall chocolates as we prepare for Valentine’s Day, or Love Day, as I like to call it. Yes – I am cheesy. Valentine’s Day evokes mixed feelings, though. Some see it as an opportunity to give their loved-ones swanky gifts or have an excuse to splurge on an expensive meal. Others despise the capitalistic, consumeristic nature of the holiday and choose to boycott it. I think we can find some middle ground.
This year for Valentine’s Day, instead of giving our special someone(s) expensive and often meaningless gifts, let’s instead offer them the gift of our presence. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in relationship health, has found that there are three key factors that can determine the quality and strength of a relationship. These are:
1. Accessibility 2. Responsiveness 3. Engagement
These three factors help to answer the question, “Are you there for me?” When put to practice they help to create a secure bond between partners. After all, there is nothing more powerful the bond one shares with someone they love. Let’s define each of these factors.
Accessibility: Are you close-by and available for your special one? When they need you, are you present? When they are suffering, can they lean on you? When they feel good, are you there to celebrate them?
Responsiveness: When they call for you, do you answer? When they speak, do you listen intently? Do you react to your partner with interest and emotion?
Engagement: Do you pay attention to your partner when they are communicating with you? Do you respond to them with enthusiasm? Are you involved in their life? Do you play an active role? Are you aware of what is going on in their day to day life?
Gift-giving and quality time are often the first things we think of when we want to make someone feel special. As you can see, showing your love involves much more. This year for Valentine’s Day, let’s go the extra mile and swap presents for your presence.
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